When I was a little girl, my German-American father used to sternly instruct, “Respect your elders!” It was usually when he wanted us kids to shape up and do what he said.
Now 60 years later, I have learned that his classic instruction remains in my heart and has burgeoned into a life lesson–bestowing much greater meaning. What I never knew at the age of seven was that as a mature woman, I would long to respect my elders…to seek them out and learn from them.
There was a wonderful advertisement on the Super Bowl last weekend. Did you see it? It was a Dodge commercial featuring a fervent group of expressive centenarians. At the age of 100, each one had words of wisdom for us youngsters about how to live life successfully.
Have a look…
I love that by way of this commercial, millions of children, teenagers and adults were suddenly impelled for one brief moment to think about the wisdom of our elders. And then the next night, that one commercial, out of all the rest, was spotlighted on ABC’s “World News Tonight.”
It’s even more interesting to note that in our 2007 study (See Wise Elder Report above) of 15 much younger “wise elders” in their 60s, 70s, and 80s, (individuals deemed as role models for aging well by their post-polio support group members) much of the same truth came out.
The younger post-polio wise elders agreed with the Super Bowl centenarians!
Here are three of their parallel ideas:
The Dodge centenarians said: “Live for now because life is good. You make it good.”
The post-polio wise elders said: It is essential to enjoy life and have fun. After working very hard earlier in life to achieve and achieve well, retirement emerged as a time to simply enjoy life more. Employing a sense of humor was also designated to be important for coping well. “Laugh at yourself a lot; become a fun-loving mentor for others,” one person recommended. “Take your scooter and be where you want to be—never feel like you are in the way,” another elder directed. An attractive former college English professor and now a prize-winning gardener and public speaker went on to say, “If you are paralyzed by polio, don’t be doubly paralyzed by life!” Further, another post-polio wise elder amicably advised, “when in doubt, go out for pizza!”
For me today, that means I will enthusiastically work to earn and save enough extra money so I can rent that big ground-grabber scooter and reserve that cozy wheelchair-accessible hotel room–as I joyfully anticipate making a summer trip to Colorado. Woohoo! Mountains, flowers, friends and wild gnarly animals–here I come in August!
The centenarian said, “Don’t complain. Don’t bitch.”
The post-polio wise elders emphasized the importance of having a positive attitude. Many believed that being optimistic got them through life and continues to do so. Two believed that they were born with a genetic leaning toward optimism. Another reflected that her original rehabilitation experience had encouraged an attitude of hope. Feeling self-pity was not an option during childhood rehabilitation and was ill- advised for late life. Comments noted were: “Make the best of things”, “Stay upbeat about life,” “Dwell on the good memories in life;” “Focus on life’s beauties that you appreciate.” Conversely, they warned against the negative: “Don’t dwell on the negative,” “Don’t hang around negative people,” and “Don’t get stuck in depression and complaining.”
If I want to apply those words of wisdom today, instead of obsessing about my lethargic cabin fever blahs this week, after a huge snowstorm in Michigan, I will be grateful for not getting scooter-stuck in 19 inches of snow outside my door! And try hard to remember that, “Spring always comes.” Gotta lighten up!
The Super Bowl centenarian said, “Tell the truth. Tell it like it is.”
The post-polio elders said, “Be real,” and “Don’t do denial,” and “Accept new limitations.” This call to truthfulness was expressed in a variety of ways: “I say do what you can and that’s it. I have to accept what I can do and know what I cannot do.” “It’s much better to set your own parameters than for someone else to do it.” “Take the message from ‘The Gambler’ song– know when to hold ’em; know when to fold ’em...” Accepting both early and new disability-related physical/medical characteristics was deemed to be foremost in importance. Fully accepting life and one’s self was an important coping strategy that has been adopted by the post-polio wise elders.
For me, that means not denying, but fully accepting and ‘fessing up that using a wheelchair full time really requires a committed change in eating and exercise habits to stay healthy. And that it’s important to reach out for help when it comes to such tough adaptations. Hmm…maybe I need a personal trainer.
Several of the wise elders whom I interviewed have now passed away; most have not. May I take this opportunity to thank them all, along with the Dodge centenarians, for teaching us more about living well as we age–with or without a disability. May we continue to listen, learn and, as my Dad directed, respect our elders!
Honor and Blessings to Our Post-Polio Wise Elders
P.S. I hereby fully admit that I remain just a “wise elder-in-training.” It seems that every day I earnestly and openly search for new wisdom. As I seek out my favorite role models and look to their advice, I am also beginning to realize that my job is to ultimately become my own “number one wise elder.”
I have found, however, that the journey for that optimum
truth is an imperfect, often rocky pilgrimage. It’s ever-changing, messy; filled with trial and error, discouragement, elation. It can be so ego-disheveling, but bit-by-bit, it also can be lovely and peace-producing. I guess the best I can do, along with contemplating the advice of others, is to continue to listen to the soft voice deep within me–then really trust it. You?
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My parents also taught me to respect and listen to my elders. An many times they have shared wisdom and a beautiful vision of life and the future. I have also seen the miracles in life (even experienced a few). I’ve been thankful for the gift.
Question–is there a link to PPS members by state and city? I’m looking for a member near me in Owensboro Ky. If not, we could use this!
Connect to Post-Polio Health International via the first page of this blog. They have a great directory and network. Best Wishes!
Linda, I can empathise with your cabin fever. Although I am not snowed in here on the Canadian prairies, my nemesis “ice” is everywhere and spring will be my saviour.
Sunny, I enjoy your optimism and positive attitude. My personal training to become a wise elder is, at times, tiring. It is concerning how often I repeat the same mistakes of thinking I can do the physical activities of younger years. I am a slow learner! Thank you for your insight!
Claudia, it feels good to be understood. Thank you for empathizing with me via that dangerous frozen water: ICE. Like you, I am working on focusing on springtime and my favorite month of the year, May. That train of thought is helping me little by little to reverse these winter blues. Thank you again.
This February I am struggling with downheartedness over feeling trapped in my own home. Snow and ice create polio-unfriendly conditions right outside my door, keeping me inside with only one brief outing in the past six weeks.
Buoyant optimism is my usual worldview. Therefore, these winter blues are foreign visitors in my mental landscape. And I want them evicted! I am applying intensive effort to reset my mood barometer all the way back to hopefulness. One step that has been helpful in this process was rereading a Sunny Roller essay about your all-important little childhood doll named Ginny, who came with a heart-shaped tag around her wrist that said something very important to you and to all of us. That tag read “Open your heart; open your mind. Look for the best and that’s what you’ll find.”
I am determined to look for the best and find it. I love how you pluck tidbits from your 2007 research featuring Wise Elders from across the country and weave them into a framework of modern society. Today’s blog features this year’s Super Bowl ad from those wonderful Dodge centenarians. You show us how gems of wisdom in the ad are perfectly applicable to ageing polio survivors. I am adapting them to be perfectly applicable to a snowed-in polio survivor who feels trapped . . . and they are helping me.
You asked if we have our own personal wise elder –post-polio or not– a role model for growing older gracefully? Well, yes, I do actually. She is post polio but her wisdom is applicable to all humans. Her name is Sunny Roller.
You may be a “wise elder-in-training” Sunny, but for me you are my favorite role model, a wise guiding light who continues to inspire and point the way with your brilliant radiance.